peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I believe in your delicious
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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