I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize