Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
