I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
