How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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