I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
