theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
