Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
