my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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