a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
