if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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