I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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