I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
