i think my tv is drunk
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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