I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
