No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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