FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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