Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
