A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
