the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
