i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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