woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
