i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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