I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
