The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
