For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
