She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
