"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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