____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You can't motorboat a personality
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
