i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize