I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
