who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
