she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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