Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize