he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
