That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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