The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
