A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize