I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
a search helicopter?!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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