I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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