Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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