I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
