Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
