I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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