Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
