She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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