next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
