Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
