he thought i was a dude.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
