I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize