I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
