I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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