She is in my trunk
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
