i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
