***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
