He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
