he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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