wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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