Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize