she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
