She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
