I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
