u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it glows. i had to have it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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