3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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