I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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