There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
