mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
