Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
