Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize