So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
