ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i would punch a child for taco bell
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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