So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the condom got lost in my hair
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we're making bets on your personal life
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
