Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
