I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
