I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
