i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
