happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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