Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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