it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you win again, gameday.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
