omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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