hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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