real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize