remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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