Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
