Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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