At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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