guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
