the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
