i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
honey bunches of taint.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
