so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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