I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
