My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
