i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
