Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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