My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
