We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
