So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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