Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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