I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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