I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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