do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
