I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
