I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
