I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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