my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
