i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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